


See Me As I Am

by dorkylokifan



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Jotunn | Frost Giant, King Thor, Loki Angst, Loki Feels, Loki gets everything he thought he ever wanted, Loki is King, Loki is a dick to women, M/M, Memory Loss, Mpreg, Smut, Thorki - Freeform, Thunderfrost - Freeform, Warning: Loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-12
Updated: 2014-11-01
Packaged: 2018-02-20 22:39:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2445767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dorkylokifan/pseuds/dorkylokifan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor is wounded horribly during an attack from another sorcerer. Drama and angst ensues as Thor tries to recuperate. Some truths come to light and Loki must come to terms with who he really is and what he really wants.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Say Something, I'm giving up on You

                The skirmish in a small village outside of the city had not gone as planned at all. The thieves were being aided by a sorcerer. Sif, Fandral, Hogan, and Volstagg have all sustained mortal injuries. Thor managed to dispatch the remaining thieves as Loki squared off with a man he’d never seen before. Loki was unhappy to find that the man actually possessed some measure of talent. Thor turns to rush the sorcerer, flinging Mjolnir at his head.

                “NO YOU FOOL!” Loki shouts at Thor, but it is too late. The sorcerer hurls a red magical ball of death at Thor. Loki conjures a shield and flings it in his brother’s direction, only managing to partially protect him. Thor takes an indirect hit and crumples to the ground. Fear and fury ignites inside Loki’s heart and the darkest most horrific spell Loki can think of springs from his fingers. The sorcerer screams as blisters break out on his skin, his eyes start to hemorrhage blood, and his whole body swells slightly before popping like a giant blood balloon. He’d boiled alive from the inside out. Loki collapses to the ground from exhaustion. The last thing he sees before passing out is the sight of Asgardian soldiers on horseback coming to their aid.

                “…..Loki……Loki my sweet boy. Open your eyes my son.” Frigga says with her eyes full of tears. Out of all of them he was the only one to come out of the conflict unscathed. Sif almost died, twice. Fandral, Hogan, and Volstagg all lost a lot of blood and will need several days of bed rest. Thor is still in some sort of magic induced coma. The healers fear for him the most as they are not sure when or if he will come around.

                “Thor….” Loki mutters. Everything hurts. Even his hair hurts. There is a reason the spell he used is considered a last resort. The cost on his body was great.

                “What happened to your brother Loki? Anything you can tell the healers would be of great help.”

                “He tried to kill Thor with a cursing spell. I deflected most of it.” Loki says realizing she would only ask this if Thor is still alive.

                “A cursing spell? What kind of cursing spell?” Frigga asks.

                “The kind that kills both the target and their immediate blood relatives. You, Father, and I almost all died along with him.”

                “Bless you my son. You have saved the family and the kingdom. Thor sleeps. The healers are trying to revive him. You need sleep and rest. When you are well enough, if Thor still slumbers, I want you to try to revive him.” Frigga says. Loki nods and closes his eyes again. It does not take long for sleep to take him.

XxXxXxXxXx

                The coronation is on hold. Thor was to be crowned next week but now, it is uncertain if that will happen at all. The official proclamation that Thor would be the heir had weighed heavy on Loki, making him bitter and full of resentment. These last few years he and Thor had grown further apart as their competition for the throne drove a wedge between them. Loki thought that he hated Thor. He’d even gone so far as to come up with a plan to ruin his coronation. But for a bright shining terrifying moment Loki felt something besides contempt in his heart for his stupid big brother, and all his bitterness is now gone.

                It has been three days and Loki and the healers are no closer to reviving Thor. Loki had pulled out an old tome on magical accidents and other maladies but could not find one matching Thor’s predicament. It is late at night. The healers have all gone and the palace is quiet. Even Frigga has given up her vigil for the day and gone to bed. Loki is alone with his brother’s motionless body.

                “Stupid oaf.” Loki says to the darkness. Loki would give anything to hear the idiot’s bright and cheerful voice in this moment. He is met only with silence. Loki gets into the bed and curls up next Thor’s body and cries himself to sleep.

                “Loki! Loki wake up!” Frigga says urgently shaking her son’s arm.

                “Mmmph, What?”

                “It’s Thor. His eyes are open.” She says. Loki jumps up to look at him. Indeed his eyes are open.

                “Is he responsive?”

                “Not yet. He hasn’t spoken. He barely blinks.” She says. Loki studies his brother’s face. Thor eyes look blank and distant. He is clearly unaware of his surroundings. A feeling of terrible dread curls in Loki’s gut. What if Thor stays like this? Odin comes to look upon his son and it is clear to Loki that his father shares the same concern.

                A week goes by with no change.  Odin weeps for his beloved boy as he makes a decision he never thought he’d have to. He is going to name Loki his heir. Thor is no longer fit and looks to never recover. Odin’s own heart is heavy with grief. It would have been better if Thor had died, but this lingering non-life, it is worse somehow. Living in a state of perpetual hope that something will change is draining on the soul. Odin can feel the Odinsleep coming to claim him soon. Death is not far away and he has delayed the inevitable long enough. He should have passed the throne to Thor years ago. If he had his son might still be alive and whole, not this vegetative lump laying unblinking in the healing wing.

                Odin summons Loki for an official audience. When the guards come to the healing hall Loki has to school his features to keep from crying openly. He knows what is coming. He wanted to become king, but not like this. The bitterness returns, but it comes from a very different source. Loki would gladly give up the throne and live the rest of his life in Thor’s shadow just to have his big stupid brother back. Not that he would ever admit this, however.

                The announcement is made before the court and the people weep openly. They know renaming Loki as the heir means there is no hope for Thor. Another week goes by with no change. The preparations for Thor’s coronation are augmented slightly. Thor’s colors are removed and replaced by Loki’s green. Frigga, Loki, and Odin all visit Thor daily.  Frigga has taken to having her sewing circles and tea times in the healing wing by Thor’s bed. He continues to stare into space, saying nothing and acknowledging no one. Her heart breaks anew every morning at the sight of him.

                The day of Loki’s coronation comes. The celebration is subdued and has the atmosphere of a funeral. The people cheer politely for Loki, but he knows he is not the king that they desire. Odin declares Loki King and crowns him. After the ceremony, Odin takes up vigil next to Thor. He has the time now. He can linger here as long as he wants.

                Loki dives into his new duties as king. The schedule is grueling and the endless meetings with his new advisors and nobles clamoring to suck up to the new monarch tax his time and patience. At the end of the day, when it is late, Loki finds his way to the healing hall to curl up next to his brother if only for a few minutes.

                A couple months pass and Odin falls into the Odinsleep. Three days in, Odin’s breath gives out. Frigga’s wales of grief are heard throughout the kingdom. These are dark times for Asgard. The funeral is held and Odin’s boat is set aflame before turning into stardust and floating up into the heavens. Thor is unchanged.

                Loki knows that he needs to marry soon. He needs an heir. If anything were to happen to him the throne would fall to some distant cousin from Vanaheim that knows nothing of Asgards ways. It would plunge the kingdom into chaos. But Loki’s heart is heavy, and he is not in any shape to woo a woman. He drags his feet. He has suffered too much to hurry such a thing as love. Perhaps when his mother is a little more recovered she can choose a wife for him. He’s never been very sentimental and so long as she fulfills her purpose he cares little if he likes her or not.

                Sif and the Warriors Three visit Thor regularly. They each die a little inside every time they see their friend and his blank expression. They are losing hope. It has been six months since the incident. Loki still finds his way to the healing hall every night to curl up next to his brother. If he should fall asleep and spend the entire night there, the healers say nothing when he wakes the following morning.

                After a particularly taxing day with his council Loki comes to the healing hall antagonized and needing an outlet. He misses exchanging verbal barbs with his brother. He misses insulting his intelligence and seeing his warm smile. He misses the sound of his voice.

                “SAY SOMETHING!” Loki yells. He slaps Thor hard in the face but gets no reaction from him. He might as well have slapped a brick wall. Loki lets out a feral cry of frustration and agony. He can’t take it anymore. He can’t take seeing his brother like this…this….shell. It is not life, it is not living. Loki picks up a pillow from off the bed. His stomach turns sick with the thought of what he must do. He pushes Thor all the way back on the mattress and hover over him.

                “Say something please. Please say something brother. Please.” Tears are flowing freely from Loki’s eyes. Again Thor does nothing. Loki pushes the pillow over Thor’s face and presses down to smother him. The seconds tick by when suddenly Loki feels his body flying across the room. The protective shield spell Loki had hurled at him all those months ago was still in effect. It protected Thor from Loki’s smothering attempt. When Loki gets back up on his feet he sees Thor sitting up and looking around.

                “I’m thirsty.” Thor says.  


	2. To Speak the Unspoken

                Thor looks at the blue man with the red eyes calling him his brother. He doesn’t understand why the man would think they are related. They look nothing alike. Thor had gotten used to his presence, however. Though Thor was unable to speak he was aware of what was going on around him if only vaguely. He found the man’s nightly presence comforting, as well as that of the red haired woman. An old man had come and spent much time with him for a while, but he hasn’t seen him in months. He must have given up on him. Thor feels free. For months he had been unable to ask for food or water or to go to the bathroom. He had been unable to move without someone guiding him. He’d been imprisoned inside his own body.

                “Thor. Say something else. Anything.” Loki begs.

                “I’m hungry too, and I really need to use the bathroom.” Thor says as he moves his legs. He hadn’t been able to move them on his own in so long. His muscles scream with a mixture of pain and relief from the movement. He tries to stand up and falls on the floor in a heap. Loki is there in an instant to help him up.

                “Guards!” Loki screams. Two night patrol men come running in. Their eyes go wide at the sight of Thor awake and moving.

                “Help us. And then fetch my mother and the healers.”

                “Yes my King.” The men help Thor to his feet. Even these battle hardened men look as though they are about to shed tears of joy. No one speaks on the matter. Loki assists him to the bathroom as the guards flee to fetch the Queen Mother and Lady Eir. Loki lowers Thor down onto the commode. His once massive body has shrunk considerably. He is not the hulking giant he used to be. But he will be again. Loki will make sure of it.

                “I thought you were lost to me.” Loki says as Thor relieves himself. When he is done they move back into the main area just as Frigga comes sprinting into the room. She all but tackles her children as tears of relief spring from her eyes.

                “Is it true? Have you returned to me my son?”

                “Are you my mother?” Thor asks. It is only now that Loki realizes something is wrong. Loki and Frigga exchange a look.

                “Thor, do you know who I am?” Loki asks him.

                “You are the blue man that comes and sleeps next to me every night. I rather enjoy your company. I was lonely when you were not here.”

                “Blue man? We need to have his eyes checked.” Loki says aloud mostly to Frigga. Frigga frowns. Loki still does not know that he is Jotunn and something tells Frigga that Thor is able to see through the camouflage spell hiding Loki’s true nature. The timing is awful, but Frigga knows she needs to tell him before the finds out on his own. The healers arrive and Frigga pulls Loki away to give them space to check Thor over.

                The healers ask Thor many questions to ascertain the scope of his memory loss.

                “Who is the King of Asgard?” Lady Eir starts off with a really basic question. She fully expects Thor to say Odin but his response is a surprise.

                “What is Asgard?” Thor answers with another question. Oh dear.

                “What is your name?”

                “I believe it is Thor, at least several people have called me that.”

                “Thor what?”

                “I don’t know, just Thor I guess.” Lady Eir continues her questioning. Thor remembers nothing. He has complete amnesia.

                “I have finished my assessment. It is obvious he has lost all his memories and to be frank I do not know if they will ever return. His muscles have atrophied and it will take months of training and exercise for him to get back to his former physical glory. He will have to relearn how to walk. He will need to spend as much time with the two of you and his friends as possible. Anything that might restore his memories will be helpful. My King, no one will blame you if you should ignore your duties for a few days. In fact as head healer I am ordering you to do so, for the sake of Thor’s mental health.”

                “Thank you Lady Eir, nobles, councilmen, and peasants all alike cannot object to my absence if I have your leave to do so. I will be glad to have the time to bond with him.” He says sincerely.

                A large food tray and pitcher of water is brought for Thor which he gulps down eagerly. He eats every morsel of food before letting out an epic belch.

                “Pardon me.” He says as his eye lids begin to droop. He feels like all the energy is being sucked out of him. Frigga pats her son’s back much like she did when he was very small.

                “Rest my son. You need it. In the morning I will reacquaint you with world.” She leans in and kisses his temple before fluffing his plowing and laying him back. Thor is out like a light in a matter of moments. It is very late now and Loki looks ready for bed as well, but there is something Frigga must do first.

“Loki my son there is something I need to tell you.” Frigga says. Loki looks at her expectantly. “But not here.”

                “Mother, whatever it is, can it not wait?”

                “No Loki it can’t. Come with me.” Loki frowns with concern as he follows her out of the room. They walk all the way back to her chambers and Frigga sits her son, the King of Asgard down for a very hard discussion.

                “Loki my son, you know I love you with all my heart.” Frigga starts. Loki shoots her a look of impatience. “Loki at the end of the last great war with Jotunnheim your father took the Casket of Ancient Winters and brought it here to Asgard.”

                “Yes…I know this.”

                “He took something else from Jotunnheim as well.” Frigga says and pauses. “At the end of the great battle Odin was in the great temple and found….he found a baby. It was a runt, small for a Jotunn and had been discarded and left to die. The tribal markings on the child indicated he was Laufey’s son, heir to the throne of Jotunnheim.”

                “Blue man.” Loki says now understanding Thor’s words. Fresh raw horror slowly envelopes Loki as the truth sinks in.

                “We didn’t tell you because we never wanted you to feel different. I wanted to tell you for years but your father insisted that we keep it a secret. No one else ever need know if you do not wish it so, except for Thor. I think he can see through the spell that has hidden your true appearance.”

                “My true appearance.” Loki whispers. He jumps up and walks to the nearest mirror. “How? How do I remove it? I want to see what I look like!” Loki demands. Frigga walks over and touches her son. She searches out the spell upon his skin and tugs at it. Creamy milky skin gives way to ice blue. Green eyes are enveloped by red. Tribal lines appear on his face and body. Loki rips off his tunic to see the rest of his body. He’s a monster!

                “You only tell me this now because I might be found out!” Loki asks rhetorically. He is furious. Now he knows why Odin favored Thor all these years! If circumstances had not played out as they did, Thor would be king now. Loki scowls. Odin is dead. Loki is king now, but he still feels second best. And what about Thor? If the people ever found out that Loki is not Odin’s son they’ll demand that Thor be crowned king. Loki must make the people see Thor as someone who is still sick and feeble and not able to rule.

                “Yes, and because it was long overdue. I know you have a lot to think about, but know that I love you very much, as if you were born of my own body. Your brother has returned to us. After months of heart wrenching grief, you and I have the chance to be happy again. For first time in a long time, the future looks bright. Please do not despair over this new information. It is only a problem if you choose it to be.” Frigga says as she lays her hand upon Loki to restore the spell. Loki puts his shirt back on and returns to his chambers. The King’s Chambers.  

                Loki sleeps little the rest of the night. He wishes Odin were here so he could yell and scream at him. He feels like he has been robbed of legitimacy. All would have been well and right in the world if his mother had not landed that bombshell upon him. Loki lost count the number of times he prayed and bargained with the Norns to return his brother to full health. He’d offered gold, he’d offered sacrifices, he’d offered the throne itself, never expecting the Norns to take him up on the offer. The Fates are sadistic bitches. Loki is the King of Asgard and arguably the most powerful being in the nine realms, and he has never felt more insecure in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tomorrow is a new day and Thor has a new take on the way he sees the world.


	3. The Restful Heart

                Loki tries to calm himself as he walks down the corridor towards Thor’s chambers. He feels the eyes of everyone he passes and fear pounds in his heart. He fears that they can see right through him, through the lie on his skin to the hideous truth. He is not a son of Odin. He is not Aesir. He reaches the door of Thor’s chambers and takes a deep breath to calm himself. The only two people who know the truth are his mother and Thor. He just needs to explain to Thor the value of discretion. The people of Asgard will never find out. He knocks and then enters.

                Though it is early, Frigga is already here along with a team of healers/servants to assist Thor with his recovery. Thor is eating yet another protein packed hearty breakfast. After he is finished Thor will be made to spend the day pacing the halls to build his leg muscles back up. Thor looks up from his meal at Loki and smiles. Loki’s heart melts instantly and all his anxiety disappears, if only momentarily.

                “Hello.” The golden man says around a mouth full of food. His cheeks are stuffed like a chipmunk and his smile is so broad that his teeth fail to hide all the food they are holding in. Frigga greets Loki as well and pulls him in for a hug. He has not felt this whole in months.

                “Mother, are all these people necessary? I’m sure Sif, or Fandral, and any of Thor’s friends would be more than glad to assist with Thor’s convalescence. I had rather hoped to spend more private time with Thor. There are things that need to be discussed without prying ears present.” Loki says as he gives his mother a meaningful look. Frigga gives him one right back.

                “You needn’t be concerned about that. Thor and I have already had a discussion about our family tree and the current layout of our hierarchy. He understands fully.” Frigga explains. Loki feels somewhat relieved by this although still apprehensive. Thor was not known for discretion before he lost his memories and there is nothing to stop the innocent buffoon from accidentally blurting out the truth before Asgard and all of Valhalla. Loki takes another calming breath. Surely his position as King cannot be undone by one uttered phrase.

                “How are you feeling this morning brother?” Loki says to Thor.

                “Good. Excited. I can’t wait to get up and move and see everything and meet people. Mother explained to me that I lost my memories and that I will be reacquainting myself with my friends and my role here as a prince of Asgard. She has been regaling me with tales of our childhood together all morning.”

                “Oh has she now?” Loki shoots his mother a crooked frown. Frigga shoots back a cheesy grin. Oh yes, embarrassing stories abounded this morning.

                “Yes, I am anxious to meet the warrior woman named Sif. Mother says she used to have the most beautiful luminescent golden hair, until the little prank you pulled took it away.”

                “Yes well, Sif never did find any humor in it. She still has not forgiven me to this day for that little accident.”

                “An accident? Not a prank?”

                “I was just starting out in learning my magic. I did not intent for the effects to last so long.” Loki says sounding perturbed.

                “Well if it was not your intention surely a heartfelt apology would clear the air.” Thor says with the innocence of a child.

                “Brother, remind me some time to teach you the art of holding a grudge. It is a skill you sorely lack.”

                “I shall take that as a compliment. Grudges lead to bitterness, a trait I do not desire.” Thor explains. For some reason Loki feels a stab of rejection from that statement, followed by a wave of guilt. Loki frowns for a brief moment before re-schooling his facial expression, but Thor is quick to spot the change.

                “I have upset you.” Thor says.

                “I am fine brother. Having you back is a blessing I cannot express.” Loki says. He means it, though he is aching to exchange verbal barbs with Thor just like they used to do, he knows Thor is currently in no shape for such a thing and does not want to hinder his recovery. To this Thor, Loki is but a stranger he needs to get to know. Loki does not want to put him off too quickly. All the life experiences they used to have in common have been washed away and their brotherly bond is now tenuous. Loki is going to have to be nice to Thor.

                “You came to me every night and slept by my side. Mother came and spent time with me during the day. There were very few times when I was alone and I am grateful for that. I might have lost my sanity if I had not had your company. I felt so trapped.” Thor says. Loki breaks out in a cold sweat as he realizes that Thor must have also been fully aware of Loki’s attempt to murder him with the pillow. Horror unrolls over Loki’s face and Thor sees it. He reaches out to take Loki’s hand.

                “You freed me from my imprisonment. However you meant to do it, one way or another. I know this was not the outcome you expected. It is better. It was what you hoped and prayed for, for all those months that I could not answer you. I am not angry. I don’t know how much longer I could have gone on in that state. I thank you for rescuing me.” Thor says with such sincerity that Loki’s heart breaks. His lips quiver and his eyes glaze over before he bursts into tears, curling up into Thor’s lap and crying like inconsolable babe.  Frigga listens with quiet shock. She’d not had the opportunity to ask Loki about the circumstances surrounding Thor’s reawakening. She chokes back tears of her own as she realizes that Loki almost killed Thor last night. Every ounce of despair in Loki’s heart pours out of him onto Thor’s shoulder. There are still servants in the room and Frigga gestures to them to leave. They have heard enough of her family’s secrets today.

                It is a good solid hour before Loki looks presentable enough to be seen outside of Thor’s chambers. With one arm around Frigga’s shoulders and the other around Loki’s, the three go for a stroll up and down the corridor. After several laps Thor is exhausted and begs to rest. They haul him down to the royal family’s private garden for some much needed sunshine. Thor is almost as pale as Loki. He sits on the stone bench between his mother and brother soaking up the bright light. The flowers are fragrant and beautiful. Servants and courtiers alike poke nosy noses in their direction, walking slowly and looking long at the royal family as they pass.

                Word of Thor’s recovery spreads like wildfire through the kingdom. By the following afternoon there are throngs of people outside the palace begging for a glimpse of their beloved prince. Immediately the popular talk throughout the realm is whether or not Loki will step down now that Thor is awake. But Loki has been King for several months now and has done very well for himself. The transition was seamless and the regular people have noticed no changes in the routine of their daily lives. Still, the people love Thor most, but they also know that Loki will not give up the throne. He was named the heir and rightfully wields the power of the Allfather. As much as the people may fantasize about Thor being king they also know it will never happen now. Loki is king and unless he dies and does so without an heir, Thor will never be king. Thor has been relegated to the position of the second prince.

                Frigga, Loki, and Thor spend several days together. By the end of the week Thor is able to walk on his own without support though he still tires quickly. Loki orders a feast to be held in his brother’s honor so that the people may see him and so that Thor may meet all the people he used to know. The night before the feast Loki is lying awake in bed unable to sleep, again. He hadn’t slept well all week. He chalked it up to nerves at first from learning the truth about his origins. However, after some contemplation Loki is beginning to think this is not the reason for his insomnia. He closes his eyes, considering whether or not to tap into his supply of sleeping potion when he hears a knock at his door. It is past 11 o’clock at night when Loki opens the door to find Thor standing there.

                “I cannot sleep. May I bunk with you for the night brother?” Thor asks wearing nothing but pajama pants. The two guards that are always stationed outside the Kings quarters remain motionless. Normally, they would knock and request entrance on behalf of the requestor, but this is Thor, and King or no such formality between brothers seems….wrong. He understands their decision to ignore protocol. Thor is not requesting an audience with the King; he is requesting comfort from his family.   

                “Yes of course come in.” Loki replies. He too is wearing nothing but pajama bottoms and a robe which he tied on hastily before answering the door. He sheds it immediately once the door is closed. The men look like a matched set. Thor in his green silk pajama pants and Loki in his green. They climb into bed together and at first each man is taking up one side of the bed. Thor had expected Loki to curl up next him like he did for all those months in the healing wing. But the bed had been much smaller then, really only meant for one occupant, not two. After a moment passes Thor scoots over to Loki and pulls him close to him. Loki tenses up at first but then relaxes. This is no different from all those months in the healing wing, he tells himself. The men fall asleep in a matter of moments, getting the first true rest they have felt in days.


	4. The Morning After

                Frigga enters Thor’s bedchamber to find it empty. Concerned, she asked the palace guards and servants if they have seen him this morning. None that she speaks to has, so she heads to Loki’s chambers. Perhaps he is there. When Frigga asks the two guards posted there they confirm that, yes, Thor spent the night with his brother. Frigga smiles warmly. Her sweet little boys. Though it is early, Thor has a long day ahead of him and it is better to wake him now, he has spent too much time in bed these last many months. He does not need more sleep. He needs activity. Frigga quietly enters Loki’s chambers. Hopefully she will be able to wake Thor without waking Loki. She knows Loki gets very little rest these days. The burdens of the crown weigh heavily upon him.

                Frigga is not prepared for what she sees when she enters the room. At some point during the night Thor had taken to spooning Loki. Loki’s head is resting on one of Thor’s biceps and Thor’s other arm is snaked downward, and the hand is cupping Loki’s morning erection. Thor’s nose is nuzzled up to Loki’s neck. They both look so blissfully content, Loki especially so. Frigga’s mind races.

                This is either a comedic situation that is about burst forth the moment Loki opens his eyes, or more seriously, the two have found more than mere comfort in each other’s arms. In either scenario, having their mother walk in on them in such a compromised position would be catastrophic. Frigga quietly backs away and leaves as quietly as she entered. She orders the guards to not disturb them under any circumstances.

                As Frigga makes her way back to her own room, she contemplates her next move. Frigga is not blind to Loki’s insecurities. Loki could just as easily order Thor be killed as make love to him. He is king now and Loki has always been ruthless to any perceived enemies or threats. Loki loves his brother, but Thor still remains his competition. Revealing to Loki that he is not Odin’s son of blood had been necessary but also poorly timed, and Frigga does not blame Loki for his concerns. If the knowledge that Loki is Jotunn ever becomes public it could lead to revolt. Loki’s enemies at court would love nothing more than to usurp him and put Thor on the throne. And that is the crux of the problem. All Loki has to do to resolve the threat to his reign is have Thor killed. Accusing his brother of treason would be all too easy. For all the heartache Loki has endured on Thor’s behalf these past many months, Frigga knows Loki can turn on a dime.

                If she nurtures and encourages their romantic love for one another, at some point Loki’s heritage would have to be made public so that they could legally marry. Loki may be male, but his shape shifting abilities make it possible for him to bear children. He’s already given birth to an eight legged horse. If she does not encourage their romantic love, but instead tries to maintain the family bond with brotherly love she may well lose them both. Eventually Thor will regain his strength on the battlefield and his knowledge of running the realm. He’ll become more popular than ever, and Loki would feel more threatened than ever. Should Thor ever foolishly threaten to expose Loki’s Jotunn heritage, Loki would kill him for certain. With the history of bickering and fighting the two have had in the past Frigga will not risk it. She makes her decision. She will call upon all her powers as Goddess of Marriage to unite her sons in matrimony.

XxXxXxXxXx

                Thor awakens first, opening his eyes slowly as he pulls Loki’s beautiful body close to him. He still sees Loki in his natural blue skin with ruby red eyes. His skin is a light ice blue while his lips are a dark navy blue. The blush of Loki’s cheeks is navy blue. He looks exotic, delicate, and vulnerable. Thor has felt troubled since the first night he awoke. He knows Loki is supposedly his adopted brother, but he what he feels for the man is not brotherly affection. It is something a great deal more. His mother explained to him that no one else sees Loki this way, only Thor does. Apparently, Loki has milky creamy pale skin and emerald eyes as far as everyone else is concerned. His hair is still black though. Thor likes that that particular detail is still the same. Thor wonders what Loki looks like in that form.

                For months Thor could feel Loki’s physical presence and hear his words though he did not always understand them. There were some nights when Loki would curl up next to Thor and the intimate closeness he felt went beyond a brotherly bond, he is sure of it. Maybe. He hopes. He hopes that he did not interpret those light sweet caresses as something that isn’t. Thor worries that Loki will never see him as anything other than a brother. He also worries that he will wake up one day and remember everything and forget that he ever felt this way about Loki. He loves Loki. He is certain of it. Loki has a grace of soul that makes him look more regal and elegant than any other creature he has ever encountered (so far as he knows). Loki’s fingers entrance him. Loki’s neck entrances him. Loki’s voice enthralls him. He hopes that Loki will let him spend the night again. He can’t fall asleep without him.

                Thor closes his eyes again and relishes the sensation of Loki’s body so close his, and dozes off. Loki awakens and the first thing he notices is a hand on his crotch. Who would dare!? Then he remembers Thor. Loki can feel Thor’s morning erection through their pajamas snuggled up warmly in the crease of his ass. Loki can tell by feel alone that Thor’s cock is impressive. He can smell Thor’s strong manly scent; feel his strong arms holding him. Loki can feel his morning wood transforming into a legitimate erection. Loki is aroused by his own brother! He panics. He tries to move but Thor just pulls him closer and the feeling of Thor’s warm broad chest pressed to his bare back sends a thrill through Loki that shocks his sense of identity. Loki can feel the rim of his hole tingling with anticipation of being penetrated. Thor mutters something in his sleep and his hand presses down even harder on Loki’s clothed cock. Loki has to will himself not to buck into it. He breaks out into a sweat. What the hell is he going to do? His cock is getting harder by the second as Thor rubs his dick against his ass and all Loki can think about is how he hasn’t had sex in years and he loves his brother and….and…

                “THOR! Get off me!” Thor jerks awake and sits up.

                “MMph…What! What!” With Thor’s hand now gone, Loki stands quickly to put some distance between them.

                “I know I can’t hold you responsible for things you do unknowingly in your sleep, but do try to remain on your side of the bed next time. Mistaking me for one of the maidens in your dreams is not a feeling I relish.” Loki puts as delicately as possible without completely losing his temper. Loki expects Thor to be thoroughly embarrassed by his actions, so when Thor shows hurt and disappointment, Loki is shocked. Thor’s eyes are raking up and down Loki’s body in a very covetous fashion. His desire for him is plain as day. An awkward silence ensues before Thor finally speaks.

                “I am sorry….brother…I will not touch you in such an intimate way again.” Thor says completely failing to hide his disappointment.

                “Well….(cough)…um, I should get ready for the day….and….all that. Being King is…demanding. Eh, um, I’ll ah…….I’ll see you later.” Loki says sounding and feeling stupid. He’s stuttering like an idiot. Thor takes his leave and when the door closes behind him Loki rakes his hands across his face in embarrassment. What the hell is happening? What was all of that?

                Loki goes into the bathroom to take a very cold shower as he contemplates the fact that Thor is displaying lust openly towards him. Moreover Loki is horrified by the fact that he….didn’t hate it. Then Loki realizes that Thor is still seeing him in blue and finds him attractive. Thor knows that they are not related by blood and since all his memories of their childhood have been wiped away, Thor is seeing Loki in a non-brotherly light.

                “No good would come of it.” Loki says out loud to himself. He forces himself to stop thinking. Going down that road in his thoughts would be an open invitation to act on his desires.

                His desires. Loki stops breathing. A very old memory from centuries ago flits over the surface of his mind. It was the time he spied on Thor and Sif sharing their first kiss. They had been but mere adolescents. One thing about that moment stands out crystal clear; Loki had wanted to be Sif in that moment, not Thor.

XxXxXxXxXx

                Frigga takes Thor to the sparring arena to meet with his friends and to assist with his re-training. When Thor arrives he is greeted warmly by a group of people he has only met a few times. He knows their names and they have told him some stories about past shared experiences, but they still feel like strangers to him. The female warrior (Sif?) always looks at Thor in a way that holds deeper meaning. Thor gets the feeling that they used to be intimate. It bothers him. He doesn’t want her. Being around her makes him feel nervous.

                Fandral hands Thor a sword and asks him if he knows what to do with it. Thor confesses that he does not. Fandral attacks him suddenly and Thor blocks him on instinct. His mind may not remember but his body does. The muscle memory has not left him. Fandral smiles. At least they will not be starting from scratch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Loki. He just doesn't know what to feel.


	5. Let's Play a Love Game

                Frigga scans the room as she threads red silk through her needle point. The room is filled with ladies of the court, and not just any ladies, ambitious ladies. There was a time not long ago when not a single one of them would give Loki the time of day. Now that he is King he is all they talk about. It makes Frigga sad to know that they only want him so that they can be Queen. Of course, it doesn’t hurt to buddy up to the Queen Mother. The bitches. They are social climbers all. Loki deserves better than that. He deserves love. He deserves Thor. Some of the women still show a passing interest in Thor. Before Thor lost his memories Sif had the role of future queen of Asgard locked up solidly. Now that he doesn’t remember her, they may have a shot with him. Except that he will never be King now, so now Thor is just a beautiful consolation prize. As if Frigga would let any of these greedy sluts get their claws into her precious baby.

                They will, however, serve another wonderful purpose. She will use these conniving whores to push her sons closer together. Every single woman present at the sewing circle this morning is arrogant, annoying, haughty, selfish, obvious, and stupid. They are perfect for her purpose. Frigga is going to throw a ball in Loki’s honor for the grand purpose of finding the next Queen of Asgard. These ladies will be the guests of honor, and Loki will be forced to spend time with every single one of them. After spending a night in the company of spoiled courtiers, Loki will go running into Thor’s arms. Thor, for his part, will remain by Frigga’s side the entire evening to keep the sluts at bay. She can still use the excuse that he is convalescing and is not ready to socialize.

XxXxXxXx

                Loki rubs his temples as he listens to Lords Aefirnir and Northman fight over a swath of land measuring less than an acre. These fools have been fighting a family feud for centuries and are now wasting his time with a petty squabble over the drawing of a property line. A small creek used to divide the properties, but there was a flood this past spring and the flow of the creek changed considerably. Lord Aefirnir is trying to make a land grab. He’s a fat pompous old fool. Lord Northman is also a pompous fool but he is neither old nor fat. Loki decides to have a bit of fun.

                “I have made my decision. The two of you will race each other, on foot, from the east side of the disputed property to the west side of the property. The winner will get to claim all of the land.”

                “But my king, that would require us to swim across the creek.” Lord Northman says, exposing his inability to swim.

                “Does it now? I suggest you both wear as little clothing as possible then. I certainly wouldn’t want to be weighed down by all that flowing fabric. Ten palace guards and a court scribe will accompany the both of you to witness the race which will take place before the sun sets today. You are dismissed.” Loki says with a wave of his hand. The men leave looking perturbed and unsatisfied. One way or another, these fools will learn to not waste the King’s time.

                “Ah mother, I have not seen you at court in quite some time. What can I do for you?” Loki says. Normally anything Frigga needs from her son, the King, can be handled in a more private and unofficial setting. For her to seek him out during court means she has official business of the realm to address.

                “It is what I can do for you my son. As the Goddess of Marriage and Fertility it is my duty to see that your family’s continued reign is secured by way of an heir….”

                “Which I can only beget from a woman bound to me through holy matrimony….Your eagerness for grandchildren never abates mother.” Loki says sounding annoyed. He tries to hide it, but inside he is panicking. His thoughts immediately turn to Thor. His confused arousal the other morning, the excitement that made his blood boil, he has not been able to think clearly since. Loki and Thor have not bunked together since and Loki has been horrified to find that he cannot sleep restfully unless Thor is there. Loki has been using an illusion spell to hide the bags under his eyes. And now his mother wants to throw a dozen eager maidens at him, each willing to humiliate themselves and slit their competitor’s throats in a bid to be his queen. It sounds like something Loki would enjoy and yet…..

                “I want to throw a courtship ball in your honor, in say…..a week? Frigga says with a conspiratorial smile on her face. He can’t refuse her. Technically speaking he should have already started the hunt for his Queen. He has stalled long enough. He grunts his answer at her.

                “So be it.”

XxXxXxXxXx

                Thor laughs heartily as he blocks another blow. It has only been a week since he started his sparing lessons and he is already defeating his opponents handily. He was easily exhausted those first couple of days, but now that he has gotten used to using all his muscles his body feels like it has reawakened. He is already on his way to filling out to his former bronzed form. Sif eyes him like he is a piece of meat. But when Thor’s gaze meets hers, he loses his smile and looks away. Sif feels dread and sadness in her chest. He doesn’t want her and the harder she tries to throw herself at him the more he pulls away. She doesn’t know what to do. She feels like one of those simpering maidens at court. She plasters a smile on her face to hide her pain, but the rejection hurts.

                Volstagg and Fandral have delighted in retelling every adventure they have ever experienced together as if telling the tales for the first time. Thor listens intently as he hears story after story about himself and all the marvelous things he has done. Two things stand out in all these stories. One: Loki is always with them and plays an integral role in saving his hide, Two: He possesses a weapon called Mjolnir, which he has yet to see. Odin had retrieved Mjolnir right after the battle that day and placed it in the weapons vault for safe keeping. Thor decides it is time he reacquaint himself with this weapon.

                “You’ll have to ask your brother’s permission you know, or the Destroyer will awaken and kill you for trying to take something out of the vault without permission.” Fandral points out.  

                “Then I shall ask him.” Thor says simply. He’s nervous. Thor and Loki have avoided each other since that morning. Thor longs for him, to hold him but it seems Loki does not return his affection. Thor feels his heart breaking. Thor and his friends walk back to the palace and to seek Loki out at court. Loki is surprised to see his brother here. It has only been a few days and already Thor is looking much like his former self. His skin is no longer pale and sickly but golden from the sun. His muscles are filling out nicely but have a little ways to go yet.

                “Brother, you have come to visit me at court?” Loki says with curiosity.

                “Aye….My King….I need your permission to enter the weapons vault to retrieve Mjolnir.” Thor says formally.

                “Of course you may. Come, I’ll walk with you. Court is adjourned for today.” Loki announces. He smiles at his brother politely, but inside he is shaking. The ball is tomorrow night and Loki hasn’t slept all week. This physical proximity to Thor is making his loins ache. Loki grips his hands together tightly to still them from reaching out and running his fingers through Thor’s golden hair. Loki orders Thor’s friends to stay behind. He wants to walk with Thor alone in peace.

                They reach the weapons vault and Loki guides Thor to where Mjolnir is resting. Thor can hear it singing him, hear HER singing to him, and calling his name. He reaches out and grabs it. The thunder rolls and lightning strikes as the power of the Thunder God courses through his veins. For a bright shining moment Loki thinks that Thor is himself again, and then dread washes over Loki like a wave. Why? Thor turns to Loki and smiles brightly.

                “Brother? Loki are you alright?” Thor asks concerned.

                “How much do you remember from before?” Loki asks.

                “Nothing. I still remember nothing.” Thor says sounding perplexed. Loki lets out a breath he did not realize he was holding. A moment passes when Loki notices the Casket of Ancient Winters glowing at the end of the vault.

                “Do you still see me in blue brother?” Loki asks.

                “Yes I do.”

                “There was a time when we were children, our father brought us down here and told us that we were both born to be kings but that only one of us could ascend to the throne. Only now is it clear to me what he was alluding to all those years ago. He raised me as the prince I was born to be, but as to his intentions of me ever becoming King of Asgard…..I have my doubts.” Loki says as he hovers in front of the Casket.

                “I wish I could remember him.” Thor says.

                “I wish I could forget him. There are many words I would say, questions I would ask him. Mother says he rescued a starving abandoned infant out of mercy and love. I can’t help but wonder if he had another purpose in mind.” Loki says as he touches the Casket. He feels the cold swallow him. His fingers turn blue, which creeps up his arms to the rest of him. When he feels his face completely change he turns and looks at Thor. “Is this how you always see me?”  Loki asks.

                Thor for his part cannot see how anything has changed, so he supposes his answer must be yes. He nods his head. “And what do you think of my appearance?” Loki asks. “Do I not frighten you?”

                “You walk in beauty like the night.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any plot devices you guys are wanting to see? More Thor/Loki one on one time or more Warrior's Three? The Cinderlla Ball from Hell in the next chapter is going to be fun!


	6. Cinderella Doesn't Live Here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Loki is cruel to women at this party. It's going to be mean girls on steroids. 
> 
> AKA The Wicked Step-Bitch's Ball AKA Prince Charming is Gay AKA Thor's Glass Slipper is a pair of Green Lacy Panties......and Loki's hard cock! Smut! Enjoy!

                “Thor you should not say such things to me. I am your brother. We cannot be together in that way.” Loki says. But his face betrays his true feelings and Thor can see it. Loki is saying this because he is supposed to, not because he wants to.

                “I know, but I cannot help myself. For months I was trapped and you, you gave me comfort and sanity. You said things to me, which I know, you would never share with anyone else. You whispered things to me in the dark, wondering if I could hear or understand you. I did. Every single word. You confessed things to me that, looking at you now I would never guess to be true about you. All those shameful things you wish to hide from the world, I love all those things about you.” Thor says as he steps closer to Loki, getting in his personal space.

                Loki stops breathing. He’s forgotten how. Thor lips are but scant inches from his and a tear flows down Loki’s face. “They’ll never allow it.” He whispers. Loki feels a torrent of emotion well up inside. He feels so exposed. Towards the end, when Loki was certain Thor was never going to recover, he’d said things in the dark, when they were alone. He’d confessed his loneliness and his lifelong jealousy towards Thor. He’d also expressed his admiration of him and his deep concern that Thor was not ready to be King. He felt that Thor had the potential to be a great King, but that his lack of judicial study, and political skill would leave him vulnerable and even get him killed. Loki also confessed some more private secrets, like that he occasionally wears women’s clothing in the privacy of his chambers and that he is attracted to men and not women. Loki has only had a handful of bed partners over the course of his very long life, and they were all men whose discretion could be trusted.

                Loki wonders in this moment if Thor has always secretly desired men as well. Before the incident, Thor only ever publicly expressed an interest in women and all of his stories about his sexual escapes had been with women. And then there is Sif. Sif has loved Thor for a very long time. She is a warrior in her own right. She is not soft or simpering or vacant like most of the courtiers are. She is worthy of being the next Queen of Asgard. But she won’t be, not now. For years Thor and Sif were just friends. Sif was always secretly pining away in a not so secret way in front of everyone. Thor had seemed oblivious, but now Loki wonders if Thor had simply caved to expectation.

                “…Loki?”

                “Hmm? What?”

                “I said, you are King are you not?”

                “It is because I am King that we cannot be together. I need an heir Thor, which you will never be able to provide me. The ball is tomorrow night, and our mother has lined up a horrendous assortment of ladies vying to be my future wife. I will be expected to select one of them. As much as I may wish to cave to my desires, we cannot be together. If the people ever found out that we are lying with one another, they would call for our heads. As far as they know we are brothers of blood. Incest is a crime.”

XxXxXxXxXx

                Loki’s face hurts from all the fake smiling he has been forced to commit this evening. The ball has only just commenced. Frigga’s pre-selected contenders for her tiara are all very beautiful to look at, and painful to listen to. For the first time in his life, Loki questions his mother’s judgment. Does she know nothing of his tastes in a companion? In a friend? Loki may never find his future wife sexually attractive but he would like to at least be friends with her, to have an ally in her. These stupid cunts all act like their ability to pop out babies makes them the best candidate.

                Loki holds back a cringe as he listens to his current dance partner drone on and on about her knitting skills and how she would make the most beautiful baby blankets for their children. Loki quietly casts an illusion on her, giving her the appearance of having a great big chunk of broccoli stuck in her front teeth. The dance ends and she shines a great big green smile at him. Green is his favorite color. He smiles genuinely for the first time all evening and bids her ado.

                The next harlot is even worse. Her open sexual advances towards him show a lack of propriety, class, and low breeding. The only difference between her and a professional whore is a title. Loki purposefully missteps onto the hem of her ridiculously large dress, and twirls her. Her skirt rips away in the back revealing her bare posterior. The slut didn’t even wear underwear! The room erupts into laughter and gossip at her expense and she is forced to flee the event in shame.

                Loki takes a break from dancing, but is still forced to engage even more yet hopeful maidens in conversation. Four of them crowd around him as he drinks deeply of a large mug of ale. Loki doesn’t even like ale.

                “My King, you are as handsome as you are wise. Your handling of the flooding disaster of the village in the north was well managed and efficient.”

                “Thank you Sofia, you are very observant.” Loki says to her. She is the first one to say something halfway intelligent all evening.

                “I am also well versed in the handling of disasters. During this one luncheon I planned for my grandmother’s friends…..” And just like that her standing in Loki’ s eyes drops out. Loki smiles and nods pretending to listen to the rest of her diatribe. Loki curses the wine the woman is drinking to quintuple the alcohol’s potency. By the time she is done sipping down half the glass she is slurring her words and is tipsy.

                Thor watches Loki as he sits next to Frigga and engages with idle conversation with various guests at the ball. Some of the ladies ask him to dance and he obliges them out of courtesy. They smile at him and say sweet things, but it is obvious he is not interested. Perhaps he is rekindling his love affair with the Lady Sif?

                Sif asks Thor to dance and for the time they are together she relishes the feeling of his hands in hers. For a moment she can pretend that nothing bad happened and everything is as it was, but the song ends and Thor treats her with the same polite distance as all the other women. It hurts. She returns to her table sitting next to Fandral and Volstagg. Thor returns to his mother and continues watching Loki.  Sif watches Thor watching Loki. Every time a woman touches Loki  Thor presses his lips together in a thin line. When one of them whispers seductively into Loki’s ear, Thor cringes, looking possessive and angry. When Loki is dancing Thor looks on him with longing and…..desire. For the first time in Sif’s life a question forms in her mind that she had never before dared to consider.

                As the night wears on Loki finds more creative ways of making his would-be wives humiliate themselves out of the running. One woman who was so bold as to offer to suck his cock in the privacy of the royal garden was caught by a large group of guests sucking off Herman the gardener, with the weepy eye and twisted leg. The poor ugly blighter hasn’t had a decent lay since he sustained his disfiguring injuries all those years ago. Loki took pity on him and cast an illusion to fool the ‘lady’ into thinking Herman was the King. Of course the moment anyone else set eyes on them the illusion wore off and she was caught on her knees pleasuring an ugly old invalid. At least she is a charitable whore.

                By the end of the evening it becomes obvious to everyone that none of these women are worthy of the position of Queen and none will be selected. Loki gives Thor a long lingering look before excusing himself, giving the other guests permission to leave. Everyone is a little shocked when they leave. How could Frigga, the Goddess of Marriage have failed her son so completely?

XxXxXxXxXx

                Loki returns to his bedchambers alone feeling slightly amused if exhausted from the event. He feels trapped. Even if Frigga manages to find a woman he actually likes, he could never bring himself to fuck her. He can’t. He just can’t. What is he going to do? He wants Thor. With each female nitwit that paraded before him, Loki’s hesitation to give in to his desires for Thor dropped even more. Loki spends a good hour alone in his chambers relaxing. He takes a long hot bath and dresses for bed. On a whim, he puts on a pair of green lacy panties under his satin pajama pants. It is just one of those little secrets that Thor knows about.

                Loki turns off the light in his room and crawls into bed. His eyes are closed for only a few seconds when a knock comes at his door. Loki jumps up eagerly. He knows who it is. Loki opens his door to the familiar sight of his brother in his matching green pajama pants.

                “I cannot sleep brother. May I bunk with you?” Thor asks.

                “Of course.” Loki says plainly. He doesn’t want to sound too eager in front of the guards. The moment he shuts the door to his chambers he wards the room for sound. He wants complete privacy. Loki leaps for Thor, wrapping his arms around Thor’s neck and pulling him in for a deep passionate kiss.

                “I don’t know how, but some way, we will be together.” Loki says to him. They kiss again as their hands roam, exploring one another. Their breathing become ragged and they stumble onto the bed. Thor’s hands begin to tremble and his movements stutter.

                “What’s wrong?” Loki asks Thor.

                “I’m…I’m not sure what to do.” Thor says darkly with desire. Loki nods in understanding. Thor doesn’t remember having ever had sex before, and he doubts Thor ever did it with a man.

                “Lean back my love I will take care of you.” Loki instructs. Loki kisses Thor’s chest as he rakes his fingertips across his abdomen. Thor giggles a little. He’s ticklish. Loki latches on to one of Thor’s nipples and sucks the dusty rose nub to a firm little peak. Thor curls his toes from the tingling feeling it emits. Loki kisses his way down Thor’s belly to the pop tent hiding his erection.

                “Lift up.” Loki instructs as he helps Thor remove his pants. The satin fabric slides down his tanned toned legs before being discarded on the floor. Thor’s large cock stands tall and aching with leaked pre-come. Loki grasps it firmly and takes the helmet into his mouth. Thor bucks immediately.

                “So eager.” Loki says. Loki sucks sweetly on the tip, lapping up the salty liquid that is there. He starts pumping his hand on the shaft as he takes Thor’s length deeper into his throat. Thor makes deep throaty moans. Loki slowly increases his tempo and suction on the needy shaft. Thor feels his muscles go taut and he cries out a warning…which Loki does not heed. Loki swallows every drop, making eye contact with Thor as he does so. When the cock softens, Loki finally releases it.

                “Spread your legs wide for me.” Loki commands. Thor obeys. Loki leans over and grabs a thick salve and coats his rock hard cock  with it. His fingers, still greasy, circle Thor’s anus. He presses gently on the rim of muscles until they are engulfed in heat. Thor makes a small hissing sound as his back arches. Loki spreads his fingers to scissor him open. When Loki is satisfied that Thor will not be harmed he pulls his fingers out to replace them his with throbbing aching member. Loki removes his pants to reveal the pretty green panties he chose earlier and blushes.

                “You are lovely.” Thor says. Loki removes them and climbs back on.

                “Ah!” Thor moans. Loki’s beefy head stretches his passage open slowly and exquisitely. He keens from the sight beneath him. Thor is on his back with his legs spread eagerly and willingly with nothing but love in his eyes. Thor is letting Loki play the role of the dominant male and Loki loves him for it. He starts out with slow, shallow, careful thrusts but quickens his pace when Thor arches to meet him. Loki lowers his torso down so that their chests touch. Loki can feel Thor’s cock hardening again as it is rubbed to alertness between their sweat slick stomachs. He grinds into Thor as he plants little kisses on his lips.

                “I love you.” Loki confesses. He feels something inside his soul snap into place. This, this feeling, this love, this moment, this connection is all he ever wanted. This is what he has really been wanting from Thor his whole life. He just never dared allow himself to think it. Loki’s mind reels as he tries to consider what he can do, what he will do, to allow them to lay like this every night for the rest of their lives.

                Loki pounds into Thor with violent passion and releases his seed as deeply as he can muster. He wishes it would take root and create a child. But Thor does not possess a womb…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a hard time deciding on the Chapter Title.


	7. The Enemy Within

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki is his own worst enemy.

                Loki sits in his study pouring over a mountain of scrolls demanding the attention of the king. He has not managed to accomplish a thing. His mind is still lingering on Thor. He’s in love with him, damn it all! His mind came to a rapid solution which is so outlandish its failure is assured. In order for Thor and Loki to be together Loki would have to both expose his Jotunn heritage and turn into a woman so that Thor could put his heir in his womb. He’s done it once before with Sleipnir, he could do it again with Thor’s child. But what would that make him? Would Loki still be considered the King? Or because he’s transformed into a woman (however temporarily) to bear them a child, would that make him the Queen. Or would Loki still be King and Thor the King’s consort? Would the people of Asgard even allow it? Does Loki even have the courage to tell the world the truth about his heritage? He doesn’t even know how to answer these questions. He needs guidance, and the one person he would normally turn to is currently trying to marry him off to someone else. Loki shakes his head and redoubles his focus on the task at hand. He will figure something out. In the meantime he and Thor need to be discreet.

                Loki and Thor are not very discreet, as far as Sif can see it. This past month she has never seen Loki happier in the whole of his life. He smiles all the time now. He never used to do that. Thor smiles a lot too, but only a former lover of his would notice the difference between his jolly everyday smile and the smile Thor gives Loki when their eyes meet. Sif boils with jealousy because she cannot recall Thor ever smiling at her like that when they were together. Thor was always a gentle, loving, and kind man but it didn’t shake the feeling Sif always had that she loved him more then he loved her. Moreover, she now realizes that Thor was never physically attracted to her. Most of the time when they made love she was on all fours with her ass in the air, hiding her large breasts and downplaying her voluptuous curves.

                If the two royal brothers are found to be having an incestuous affair the scandal would rock the entire nine realms. As much as Sif dislikes Loki she doesn’t want the entire kingdom to fall into ruin because of their sexual perversity. For the good of the kingdom, Sif will keep her mouth shut. Thor needs to be King. Loki grows crueler to the people of Asgard with each passing day. The only people Loki shows any tenderness towards are his family. Loki is really good at crushing Asgard’s enemies and running the business of the realm as a whole, but when it comes to showing kindness and mercy to individual citizens, Loki is severely lacking. Thor has the opposite problem. He is too kind hearted. He is relearning his warrior skills, but he is no longer the battle harden killer he used to be. Though Sif knows Thor can become that again in time, she doubts time is on his side. The people of Asgard are growing restless under Loki’s rule. The other day Loki turned down additional funding to an orphanage because the headmaster is an old political enemy of his. Loki has been busy getting revenge on everyone that ever snubbed him. Frigga took care of it afterward, but such incidents cannot continue. Eventually Frigga will succumb to old age as well. Sif needs to speak with Frigga about her concerns.

                Frigga receives a knock on her door. The guard announces the Lady Sif is requesting a formal audience with her. Frigga has been expecting Sif for a while now. She is surprised it took her this long to seek her out.

                “Come in my dear. It has been ages since we last spoke.” Frigga greets Sif warmly.

                “My Queen, there is something I must address with you most urgently.” Sif says.

                “I’m the Queen Mother now dear. Under different circumstances you would have been Queen.” Frigga says.

                “Queen Mother it has come to my attention that Thor and Loki…..I believe….I have suspicions that they are together…intimately.” Sif says with fear and trepidation. She looks Frigga in the eyes to see her reaction. She knows the accusation she is leveling serious. Frigga keeps calm. If Sif wanted to spurn Thor for abandoning her she could have made her suspicions public. That she came to her first is a good sign. Sif may well be of some use.

                “And if I confirmed your suspicions, what would you do?” Frigga asks her. Sif is shocked! Frigga knows and is permitting it!

                “Queen Mother, how can you let your children cavort in such a way? They are brothers!”

                “Loki is King now and will do as he pleases, as you well know.”

                “He is cruel to the people my Queen. There are whisperings among the people. They are not happy.”

                “Yes I know. Loki’s political enemies have been hard at work to undermine Loki, including Loki himself. He is his own worst enemy Sif. The power of the throne is corrupting him.”

                “Is there naught we can do? Can Thor speak to him on the matter?”

                “You know Loki will only do things that are his own idea. He must come to a conclusion himself. If we try to push him he will retaliate. Speaking to Loki directly on the matter is unwise for Thor, and unsafe.”

                “Loki would never step down voluntarily and hand the reins to Thor. He’s competed with Thor his whole life for the crown. He will not give it up now.” Sif says.

                “He would for love Sif. He’d kill Thor in an instant as a rival but as a lover he’d do anything to please him. Loki’s cruelty and disregard for the people of Asgard may ultimately be what convinces him that he no longer wishes to be king. In truth I don’t think Loki really wanted the crown to begin with. I think, for once in his life, he just wanted to outshine Thor.”

                “But they are brothers they cannot be together in that way. Whether it is Thor on the throne or Loki, they are both men. One of them would have to marry and produce an heir.”

                “Loki is a talented shape shifter, lest you forget. Bearing Thor a child is not an obstacle. As to them being brothers….there is something I need to tell you.”

 

XxXxXxXxXx

 

                Thor, Sif, and the Warriors Three return from an excursion into the Ice Mountains of VanHilda. An ice dragon had awoken from its thousand year slumber and had taken to eating the villagers down in the valley. It is the opportunity Sif and Frigga have been waiting for. Stones from the gizzard of an Ice Dragon are large beautiful green stones, prized for making necklaces. They are also used to dampen magic spells. Sorcerers hate them. If Loki were to touch one his camouflage would disappear instantly and everyone would see him for what he really is. The people would demand his abdication and Thor’s succession. Sif is carrying one of the stones in her satchel. At Loki’s name day in two weeks she will present it to him as a gift. Though she will say it is but a large emerald.

                Thor walks back to his room to shower and change. It is late and he is eager to see Loki. They have both taken to using the private royal corridors only used by the royal family. Thor has concerns about Loki’s rule. The more time he spends out among his friends and people the more he learns about Asgard, about Loki, and about himself. On more than one occasion Thor has had to defend his brother with praise. Thor is complimented regularly for his growth and dedication to relearning all he has forgotten, but people are saying things to him that are actually backhanded insults towards Loki. It angers Thor. Some of the things they say are just plain wrong, but others are truer than Thor would like them to be. It bothers him. He does not want to question his brother’s judgment or methods, but he is beginning to worry that Loki is turning into someone he will not love.

                He walks the secret hall to Loki’s chambers and crawls into bed next to him, pulling him close. Loki stirs awake and turns to meet his eyes.

                “How did it go?” Loki asks Thor. He’s been worried sick all day that Thor would be injured again, and this time with Loki not around to save him.

                “We slayed the beast easily. How was your day?” Thor asks. Loki is ashamed to tell Thor what he did today. He did something he is not proud of, though it felt good at the time. Revenge feels so good, but Loki knows a good king does not mistreat his people so. If only Thor were further along on his recuperation, Loki could lean on him more, maybe ask him to fill in at court listening to the petitions of the people for help from the king. He’d stripped a nobleman of his title and land and tossed him into the dungeons all because of a backhanded compliment the man had the gall to say to Loki’s face. Odin would never have done such a thing. He was a better man than that, then again he was also more respected. In one fell swoop Loki has managed to turn all the nobles against him. He can’t keep this up.

                “It was…fine. Thor? Would you be interested in attending some of the council meetings with me tomorrow? I could use your guidance. I am not good at winning the hearts of the people.” Loki asks. Thor kisses his forehead.

                “It would be my honor my love.”

                “How I managed to win your heart I will never understand.” Loki says.

                “You don’t need to.”


	8. Revelation

               “The land is covered in ice your majesty. Dozens of our people are dead. Now is the time to go to war with Jotunnheim and finish what your father started. They are weak, and easy to crush.” Lord Svetland recommended. Many of the council members nod their head in agreement. Loki hesitates. It was but a small skirmish performed by half a dozen Jotunn. They’d raided the village for food. What they did was criminal to be sure, but hardly something worthy of going to war over. Loki is at war already, with himself. On the one hand he’d love nothing more than to march on the land of his birth and kill King Laufey for discarding him all those years ago, but he fears his own Jotunn nature might be exposed in the process. Loki has been indulging in a lot of revenge lately, which is why Thor is here.

                “What do you think Thor?” Loki asks his brother.

                “I know that our army is strong and fully capable of defeating Jotunnheim, but I do not think such a response is required. The people on Jotunnheim are starving. Without the Casket of Ancient Winters their world will die. Incidents like this will only grow in frequency unless a diplomatic solution can be found.” Thor says. Loki quirks an eyebrow of surprise at Thor. Thor’s answer was far more enlightened and in depth than Loki had expected.

                “And what diplomatic solution would you suggest?” Loki asks him.

                “I do not know brother. I am not as well versed as you in that particular skill set.” Thor says. Loki presses his lips into a thin line. Loki may be more experienced in diplomatic relations, but in this case, he lacks the will to do what is necessary. Diplomacy is just as much about winning the hearts of the people as it is about schmoozing the people in power. He wants Jotunnheim to suffer. They deserve it for throwing him away. Being unwilling to go to war or engage in diplomatic relations, Loki decides ultimately to do nothing, for now.

                “We will execute the criminals responsible and increase patrols in the outlying areas. That is all.” Loki states. The council members answer his decree with a “Yes My King.” And the meeting is concluded. Almost.

                “Brother, we should also send aid to our people which were affected by this calamity. Winter is coming and their crops have either been stolen or ruined. They will not survive without assistance from the crown.” Thor adds. This is why Loki needs him here. Loki knew this, but was unable to bring himself to care for the people under his charge.

                “Yes of course brother. See to the relief effort. The people will be grateful to see you leading again.” Loki says. The council members go their separate ways and the brothers are alone.

                “Loki, you need to lead the relief effort. The people see you as uncaring about their welfare, and I know you are far more caring and compassionate than most. Long after my friends stopped visiting me, you were still there.” Thor says. Loki knows his popularity is waning and that if Thor was seen to be performing all the benevolent duties of the crown, the people would eventually demand that Loki step down and give the throne over to Thor. But perhaps, that is what he really wants, isn’t it.

                The truth breaks upon Loki like a wave and for the first time in his life he feels free. Loki doesn’t want the crown. He’s done. He’s been sabotaging his own rule so that such a scenario would play out. But he needn’t be forced out in shame. He can just walk away with dignity and the people would thank him for it. As for any concerns he has about Thor being King, Loki will still be here, protecting Thor and guiding him through the more unsavory aspects of ruling. Thor is not a cruel man, but being King sometimes requires it. For the first time in weeks, Loki smiles. His name day is coming up, and on that day he will abdicate.

 

XxXxXxXxXx                        

 

                Thor trails kisses across Loki’s jaw. Thor is holding Loki in his powerful arms. He feels comforted and protected. Loki has been playing the dominant role in their coupling, but not tonight. He’s tired of trying to control everything. He’s tired of being worried and burdened all the time. He’s tired of trying to meet everyone else’s expectations.

                “Open me up.” Comes the breathy command of the King. Loki gets on all fours in front of Thor. Thor glides two slicked fingers into Loki’s opening, scissoring the muscles wide to relax them. Loki moans and arches into Thor’s hand. Thor adds a third finger and massages Loki further. “Take me.” Loki whispers. Thor gently withdraws his little digits and replaces them with one big one. The tip of his pushes past the tight sensitive ring and slowly slides in.

                “Mmnggph.” Loki half groans, half moans. Once Thor is completely buried to the hilt he takes a moment to be still and let Loki adjust. “Ride me.” He commands, and Thor obeys. What follows is a complete surrender. The high pitched whines and keening whales emitted from Loki’s throat are like a prayer for Thor to completely dominate him. Thor becomes wild and animalistic in his thrusts. His hands grip Loki hips harshly and his powerful hips thrust with a violent force that speak of thunder and rain. Thor wraps a hand in Loki’s raven hair and yanks hard. “Yes.” Loki cries. Here in this place with this man, he doesn’t need to think, or plot, or worry. Thor takes care of his every need.

XxXxXxXxXx

                “For you my king.” Frigga says warmly as she hands him one of her famous blankets. It is soft and warm and intricately embroidered by hand. Loki could probably build a fort in his bedroom with all the blankets Frigga has given him over the years. He has kept every one, no matter how tattered with age.

                “Thank you mother.” Loki says as he gives her a kiss. Thor, Fandral, Volstagg, Hogun, and Sif all lay gifts before him as well at the high table. There is an even larger pile of gifts off to the side given by the people in the hall this evening. Frigga will help him go through them all tomorrow and write letters of thanks later. But Loki is not concerned with that now. He looks at Thor and out at the crowd. The stress of the past year has been unbearable. He is ready to be done with it.

                Loki stands and the room goes quiet. “People of Asgard, as your King I am humbled by the many gifts you have bestowed upon me. This past year has been tumultuous to say the least. For a time we all thought my brother was lost to us.” He says. A rumbling of agreement hums through the crowd. “With each passing day I watch as my beloved brother becomes more like the man he once was, though the road of recovery ahead of him will be a long one. However, I have full faith and confidence in him. I know he will blossom into a great man, even better than the one he used to be. I…..have not been doing well. There was a time when I worried my stupid brother would make a terrible king. He lacked diplomacy and patience, and had far more bloodlust in him than could be good for continued peace. While I studied trade agreements, foreign languages, magic, and kept myself apprised of the politics of the court my heart grew bitter towards him. I have come to find that while I have the skill to be king….I lack the heart for it. I have decided to abdicate.” Loki says.

                The room is dead quiet. The people honestly don’t know if Loki is telling the truth or if he is yanking their chain. “Did you all not hear what I just said?” Loki says incredulously. People in the room are muttering to each other and they sound slightly panicked. Volstagg runs up to Loki.

                “My king, they heard you well, the problem is the people do not think that Thor is yet ready. They fear for the Kingdom.” He explains.

                “People of Asgard, I will still be here, by my brother’s side. I will guide him and we will rule together until he finds his feet. Do not disparage this new development. It is what is best for Asgard.” Loki says. Slowly cheering erupts from the crowd. Thor and Frigga are in shock. Loki did not discuss this with them.

                “Brother, I am not ready.” Thor says with fear.

                “You have good and kind heart Thor. I am better suited to defending Asgard in the most vicious of ways when circumstances require it, and to protecting you from political intrigue. I never wanted to be the King. I know that now. I just wanted the people to see me as your equal, and now I think they finally do. I will help you find your way, but know that I am doing this because I believe in you. I have been so afraid of having the throne taken from me it has twisted my heart into something ugly. It is why I am walking away.” Loki explains. Thor pulls him into a bear hug. They will hammer out the details of the hand off later. Thor turns to address the crowd.

                “Good people, my brother’s announcement is unexpected. I am honored to be your king, but for tonight, let us honor Loki for all that he has done for our people and for me, for I would not be here if not for him.” Thor announces. The people cheer once again and the party resumes more boisterous than before. Loki turns his attention to the gifts from his friends and opens them.

                Fandral has given him a very nice letter writing set, complete with ink well, quill, and letter opener. The engraving on the handle is very nice. Volstagg has gifted him a large wheel of cheese his wife makes.  Volstagg could eat the whole thing in a week, but for Loki it is practically a year’s supply. Hogun’s gift is a new spell book, a rather rare one. He will have to find out how Hogun procured it.

                Loki opens Sif’s gift and pulls out a beautiful necklace. The green emerald amulet is large and heavy and matches his green colors perfectly. He puts it on immediately. Loki suddenly feels very hot and dizzy. He feels like all his magic is draining away and…..his skin! Oh dear gods! Loki watches in horror as his creamy pale skin is replaced by blue. Everyone is watching. Yells and screams ring out as Loki’s eyes turn blood red. Thor does not understand what all the commotion is about. Frigga stands immediately to address the public.

                “Good people of Asgard do not be alarmed.”

                “Why does the King appear as a Jotunn?” One of the aged councilmen calls out. Frigga explains to the people what happened at the end of the last war and how Odin brought home a little Jotunn runt that they raised as their own.

                “Odin always hoped that Loki could unite the two warring realms and bring about a permanent peace. Loki is still the same person he was not a moment ago, though he is no blood relation to Odin he is still of Asgard.” Frigga says to sway the crowd.

                Loki looks out at the people who are all displaying a different mix of emotion. Fear, bigotry, surprise, indifference, and concern are all on display. Loki decides to add one more emotion to the mix. Since this is an unprecedented moment of honesty for him, he might as well air ALL the dirty laundry.

                “It is true my people, I am no son of Odin, but a son of King Laufey. And since I am not of blood relation to the royal family…..I can do this!” Loki grabs Thor and plunges his tongue down his throat. The people gasp in shock at the sight of the King kissing his once brother Thor. More shocking is when Thor pulls Loki in closer and deepens the kiss. The people are scandalized. Loki breaks the kiss and turns to the people.

                “My last act as King of Asgard is to renounce my familial ties to the royal family and to announce my betrothal to Thor.” Loki announces. He turns to Thor. “If you’ll have me.” Loki says with his eyes full of vulnerability. Thor smiles broadly and pulls Loki in for another kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took me forever to update this fic. I struggled with plot line on this one a bit. But I hope you all enjoyed it.


End file.
